The Crazy Mom Pass

Veteran's Day I traveled to Kansas City, Missouri to participate in a AFSC event high-lighting the rise in veteran's suicides. It was cold and very rainy going in and I had a good headstart on developing a cold by the the time I got there and just barely managed to get through the couple of pages of prepared remarks I had with me. There was a speaker from IVAW, a Vietnam vet who was a civilian expert, and another MFSO who had worked in the Vet's field for a number of years, on the panel.

For anyone not familiar with the Eyes Wide Open Exhibit, it is a visual display of boots for every casualty in this war (US) and it also acknowledges the Iraqi casualties. It started a long time ago and has traveled across the country. I think it was last year that the full exhibit shut down, because there were getting to be too many boots to be able to move around in a reasonable manner. This exhibit had boots painted white, for all the suicide casualties.

I got there later in the afternoon, and missed all the lunch traffic at the college, and by the time the panel was to be held it was a smaller group. We were seated at the front of the room with chairs in rows out in front, and people were leaned up against the wall in back of the chairs.
There was a young man who was leaning on the wall who stood out to me. There seems to always be one or two, at most events I've attended. Someone who is obviously deeply distressed, most look like veterans, some possible family members, or friends. I watched him on and off during the talks. They start out looking like they would like to be confrontive, like they showed up prepared to defend (view, stance, loved one, etc.). And generally end up almost disarmed when they find out that the people involved in the event a) aren't phony, b) aren't speaking from a political viewpoint, and c)really care about all of the people involved in this war. I'm guessing at the reasoning here, I know. I just know that I see people show up pissed off, and some just leave, and sometimes they stay and come over and share where they've served and thank me(or the others) for speaking out (they don't necessarily thank me for the politics of it, but for speaking out for the troops kind of thing).

This young man left before the end, and I didn't get the chance to speak to him. I wish I had had the opportunity, and wanted to ask him why he was there. If it was for someone else, or for for himself.

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I have seldom been individually harassed as a peace activist. Either in my hometown or on the road. Here at home, most people know us, or know someone who knows us, and mostly I think I get the 'crazy mom' excuse. And that goes pretty far, at least around here. It doesn't give me much creditability in terms of being able to sway opinion, but I don't get much anger from others (at least to my face anyway). Mostly I think I make people uncomfortable.

It's hard to get away from. Anytime I go somewhere, I get asked 'how you doing?"
"I'm fine, " I reply.
"How's the kids?" they ask.My daughters' doing great. School is going well, the grandson's a wonder...", I say.
"How's your son?"
"...back in Iraq, but ok, he's doing ok.....", I say.
"..how's your kids?", I ask.

Generally they wrap it up, and I leave soon. Except the other army mom I know who works at the bank. We will talk for a half an hour while I am sitting in my truck in the drive in, when I come by, catching up on the news of our sons.

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The other panel members had the guts to wing it at the Vet's suicide event. I suck at that kind of thing. If I am going to continue doing this, I am going to need to get off my duff and look into some kind of public speaking course.

This was my speech.


My name is Valarie Fletcher. I am the coordinator of the Military Families Speak Out Midwest chapter. My son is a US marine on his third tour in Iraq. Military Families Speak Out is an organization of over 3500 families who are opposed to the war in Iraq and have loved ones who are serving or have served in the US military since fall of2002.
I would like to thank the AFSC for inviting me to speak, and for holding this exhibit and working to increase public awareness of this issue.

As has been highlighted here today, the veterans suicide rate is currently extraordinary high. We include in our membership families who have lost their loved ones to suicide in the aftermath of deployment, such families like Joyce and Kevin Lucey who lost their son Ryan in 2004. Another member would be April Somdahl, who lost her brother Brian Rand in 2007. Brian was determined unfit for deployment by a psychological exam given after his second deployment. He was deployed anyway, and committed suicide after returning from his third deployment.

Multiple deployments, lack of adequate dwell time in between for rest and recuperation , the practice of deploying medicated soldiers to fill the ranks have all contributed to the problem. Coupled with inadequate resources on the homefront prepared to treat the large number of troops returning in need of care create conditions ripe for the suicide rate to skyrocket. Included with these factors can be a reluctance among the troops themselves to admit to symptoms or to seek treatment due to fears that their career could be adversely impacted, or being seen as ‘weak’.

Our reserve and National Guard Forces are at particular risk. The National Guard has seen unprecedented use overseas in this war. The Associated Press reported in February of this year that over half of the suicides of Iraq and Afghanistan veterans between 2001-05 were Guard and Reserve members. Both Guard and reserve forces face special challenges due to issues involving access for care, such as being unable to travel the distance needed to make appointments. Also, the need to coordinate the time off at work with their private employer to make appointments for care can create barriers as well.

Many are trying to address this issue both in the service, as well as post service. PTSD is not confined to the lower ranks, nor is it a symptom of a ‘weak mind’ or ‘someone who couldn’t take it’. Helping to change a climate non conducive to encouraging seeking help, is Army Maj.Gen. David Blackridge. The General served two tours in Iraq commanding a civil affairs unit. After surviving a convoy ambush and firefight in which he was injured, he received treatment for his mental health as well as his physical wounds. By sharing his story publically, the Maj.Gen helps to set the example for the lower ranks.

We plan for bleeding in war by stocking up on bandages and blood…why would we not anticipate and plan the resources necessary to treat for a war wound that has been around as long as war has? Working to meet this challenge are the VA Centers, over 200 across the US. Paul Sullivan of Veterans for Common Sense, gives the Vet Centers a grade of A+ in his 2007 CBS Eye to Eye interview. He sites hiring of Iraq and Afghanistan veterans to help with outreach, hiring additional social workers, the opening of more clinics, and the close monitoring of the situation all as positive developments in delivering timely mental health care to veterans. But he also delivers a resounding grade of F to the VA Department as a whole saying they have not allocated enough resources to address the problem and specifically lack enough psychologists and psychiatrists to meet the need.

I am a military brat. I was born in 65 and grew up on military bases across the south. Much of my early life was spent in the context of that generations war, Vietnam. And although they weren’t as good at naming it back then, much of what I observed around me in my youth would be classified as PTSD today. My experiences then had such an impact on my outlook that even all these years later my worst fears as a parent were not physical wounds but the emotional aftermath that concerned me the most.

As my son was preparing for his first deployment, I sat him down one day before he left and asked him to promise me something. I didn’t ask him to keep his head down, or stay safe. The former I knew that Uncle Sam had trained him as good as that kind of thing gets. And the latter, as a Marine I knew safety isn’t always their first consideration. Instead, I asked him to promise me he wouldn’t ever suicide. Although I knew he would not understand then, I wanted to build up some insurance against the days I thought could likely come when he came home.

Throughout his deployments we have talked openly on occasion about PTSD, what it is, how to recognize the symptoms, and I have at times forwarded materials for him to read if he chooses. Forewarned is forearmed, and in this case, silence is the enemy.

Families, friends, and communities can help by educating themselves about the issue, by learning the symptoms of PTSD and the progression of the condition if it is not treated, by contacting their legislators and letting them know this is an issue that is important to them as voters. Volunteering with veterans organizations in your area, contacting your local media and letting them know this is a topic that that you want to see covered are more ways that you can help. And most importantly, if you know a vet who is struggling, don’t ignore it. Reach out to them in whatever way you can, even if it is to let them know that they are not numbers, that every single one of them is important. Help is available, and we need to keep trying until we get them what they need.

These young men and women are OUR defensive forces. They answered their country’s call in its time of need and we must keep faith with them by providing the care that THEY need when they return from war. We cannot allow them to survive the war, but not survive their coming home.

Thank you.

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When your forces start killing themselves when they get home, that should be your first clue that something is wrong.

This is just unacceptable anyway you look at it.

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The suicide and the MIA events just depress the living hell out of me. And I really dislike Veterans Day. Alot. It gets worse every year.


Here is a Kansas City area write up about the event:

Kansas City Plog