War and Peace through the Kaleidoscope

This is a new record on me getting in the last word...

vkfletch@yahoo.com (vkfletch) — Sun, 28 Jun 2009 21:20:00 +0000

...as soon as I said I was done, here I am again...

My son and I don't talk about the war or politics hardly at all. Its a workable thing, at least it seems to be working for us now. But I know and I can tell almost obliquely when his brain is percolating on something. When people ask me how we cope I sometimes say,

a.)he's never allowed me to do his thinking for him before, I can't imagine he would start now.
b.)God gave him a perfectly good working brain and I expect him to use it.
c.)before the war, we used to work things out at the top of our lungs occasionally, so I'm not afraid of him---in fact, I consider that my job on earth to make sure to puncture any and all 'how great I art' balloons he may develop in his rise to manly studlyhoodness.

He has a slender build, from his dad's side of the family, but he started weight lifting this year and for the first time ended up on the USMC fat boy program. So just because your mom loves you, and she has had to be taped because of her stunning voluptuousness for the last couple of years.....

HA HA HA and a big fat raspberry
In your face junior

he stops by here now and again...I just couldn't waste the opportunity

It's time to end this

vkfletch@yahoo.com (vkfletch) — Sun, 28 Jun 2009 16:24:00 +0000

I've struggled with an ending to this blog.

Truth is I'm tired. I originally wanted a place to put down my thoughts and experience and explore the clash of the different worlds that somehow or another I have going on in my life at this point.

But, I can't seem to reconcile them in many ways anymore and in the end I don't think I will ever come up with any neat tidy answers that I can wrap it up with.

I'm still here, but deployment has come up a couple of times already, and I've been on the list, and then off the list again. So in essence my family has started through the emotional process of that for me as well as my son. My son came home a couple of months ago from what we hope is is his last stint in Iraq, and one day we were talking about me deploying because at that time I still thought I was on the list again, and I must have looked scared because he got quiet and told me not to worry, that it would be ok. And I said back to him it was ok, that I was alright with it.

More than likely I would be fobbitlicous, or its close synomyn, POGallicious, so not to worry. I learned two new words from my favorite infantry guy at WLC. They just roll off the tongue and are fun to say out loud.

My daughter told me she would have signed up too, if it wasn't for her son. She was holding my grandson at the time, cradled in her arms. I told her I know she would, and that it was ok. She probably doesn't realize it yet, but she has already begun to take up the family responsibilities, becoming the hub that we all can call to keep up on everything with. My mom was the main one, but I can see her slowly letting go, and am watching her struggle more and more to cope emotionally with all this. She told me in our last phone call, that she would go to this years DPMO meeting for sure, because we had had another letter, that they are another step closer to possibly being able to recover my father's remains. For the first time ever I heard my ever tolerant peace loving always have a kind word to say about everybody mom use an ugly term to describe the enemy. She's getting tired too, I think.

I am becoming more comfortable in my own uniform, more confident in the skills I have been taught, and even enjoying the feeling of contributing, and looking forward to being able to practice what I have learned. None of that means I have changed any of my thoughts on the politics of this war.

None of that gives anyone, any politician the right to wave a flag and say support this policy because it is supporting this troop.

This is tough to put into words, but I am going to try, because it is very important to me.

As an aside, before I put up the next link, this is explicit and somewhat gruesome, so there's your warning. I erred further down. I find myself doing that with my family now. Sifting through conversations, and watering down paragraphs, because I don't want to distress or worry them. That is condescending, especially to my daughter, and I did that further down in another post and I am sorry Sarah.

The Kitchen Table: A War Surgeons Perspective on Memorial Day

This is a piece written about the death of Marines, and the Doctor who couldn't save one. I don't have a political point to make here. The actions of those involved speak for themselves.

What I do want to say is that there is honor in their sacrifice and in their courage, and it belongs to them. Not to the politicians, not to anyone else but them.

If anything, out of all of this blog, I think my point was to show some of the sacrifice and refuse to allow it to be ok to look at.

"He died for his country"

"He died doing what he loved"

"Thank you for your service"

But don't ask what that death bought the US in terms of defense, or in any real terms, because it is impolite.

Nobody can tell me what my fathers sacrifice meant to him, but him. Nobody has the right to use it as justification to cover their own inadequate arguments.

And I would ask my father, someday when I die, because I do believe in an afterlife, I would ask him why, because the price of his sacrifice was so high not just for him but for us all. We needed him to come home.

Going to war for anything less than absolute necessity is the height of irresponsibility. You can keep all that glory stuff. Glory is a luxury for those who don't have people depending on them. Maybe I come across as bitter about my father's death. I really don't think so. I've had alot of time to think about it. I just have major issues with those who like to use it as a prop for their own selfish ends. To my knowledge my father offered his service in good faith. His government at that time did not make good use of that sacrifice. I don't see any reason to candy coat that, and I don't see any reason not to ask that same question for myself and my son.

"you're fighting for freedom, democracy, and our way of life..."

no, seriously, why are we there....

*************************************************************

If you've read more than a little of this blog, you will notice a dearth of mention of the Iraqis. I am not blind to it. I've just chosen to stay on one side of the argument. When my kids were little and they would get into trouble, I would always ask them about what they did not the other person, because that is what they can change. There will always be bad people, annoying people, dangerous people in the world. What defines you as a person will always be the choices you make when the chips are down, when life is crashing around you. It is easy to be the good guy when things are going your way.

I just can't mentally split myself so many ways. To alot of the peace movement, the Iraqis are 100% victim, and they forget that many of them are quite adept at blowing us up. I am not divinely equipped to sort the right from the wrong and to be honest there is a level of suffering that I can't grasp, not and continue to function.

I still believe that Iraq belongs to the Iraqis and its their business, not ours. I think that makes me an isolationist, but I would have to look it up to be sure. I get accused of being various things sometimes in conversations, and I have to reply define it for me and then I will tell you if I am a liberal socialist communist etc. etc. because I'm not sure what any of that stands for anymore. That goes along in the same vein as the different Iraqi political factions. When I started reading Juan Cole's blog, I would try and keep up with the different groups and their political aims and such. I couldn't do it after awhile. Too damned many of them. Perhaps its my racist version of they all look alike.

I was riding back from the field last week in an FLA (ambulance) with some other soldiers, a couple who had been deployed in a medical capacity. We were in the back, with the doors closed, the fan was on but the a/c wasn't working and it was hot as hell back there. They were swapping stories about deployment and laughing and yucking it up like it was a freaking vacation. One of them asked me if I was alright, since I was so quiet. I said I was, but I wasn't because while they were talking all I could think about was the fact there's a half a million Iraqi refugees sitting on the borders and getting madder and madder and madder about it all. None of which was appropriate in that particular setting.

Later, one of those same soldiers shared a story with someone else about being in another FLA similar to the one we were riding in, in heat about 15 degrees hotter than we were in, with full gear on, unlike us, since it was heat cat 5 and we weren't in full gear because of that, and still doing his work under those conditions.

I was so hot that day, I could feel the constant tugging on my skin from the weight of all the extra magazines and water I had stowed in my cargo pockets. My sweat had stuck my uniform to my skin, but with the added weight in the pants, I had to keep hitching my belt tighter so that my pants didn't fall off my hips. It felt like all the skin on my body was pooling around my ankles. I tried to imagine it being hotter and having more gear on, and still functioning.

How other people deal with their own experience is none of my business. I stay quiet for a reason. And for the most part, I think it has been the right choice in that setting.

But that is there, and this is here.

Thanks to all those who have taken the time to read, or dropped in and commented. I've enjoyed my conversations with you and maybe we will meet further down the road.

Peace,
Valarie

Lots to see and do

vkfletch@yahoo.com (vkfletch) — Sun, 28 Jun 2009 15:57:00 +0000

Our Troop Commander is a female who smokes cigars. She wanders around sometimes, evaluating our training, with her cigar tucked down, puffing away.

I haven't decided yet if I think it works for her. I'm not sure if I'm just still a generation away from it being an ok thing. Maybe the young women and men I'm working with see it just as normal, I don't know.

For me, it stills sets me back when I see her doing it, just like when I see a woman chew tobacco. It just doesn't look right.

Generational, I guess. One of my grandmothers would never refer to my tattoo, as a 'tattoo'. It was always my 'mark'. I remember her helping me in my wedding dress and she kept tugging at the lace trying to get it to cover the 'mark' on my breast.

Me, I'm just not tough looking, so I have completely given up in that arena. I do not 'hooah', and I do not 'hoorah'. I seldom make alot of noise for any reason. I sound retarded when I do, so I just don't do it.

But by the same token, it takes alot to intimidate me with just show any more. It's been interesting to watch the differences in how the males act out aggression, versus the females. Much of the army training flies right over my head, I think , for that reason. Men talk about 'beating someones ass', 'kicking ass', with the inference being that both parties are going to recover and get up and walk away, no harm, no foul. It's about establishing superiority and hierarchy. And males reap benefits of honor and status though this process.

Females act that process out in other ways, and don't hit the physical realm until they're ready to annihilate the enemy for real and permanently. It's about survival, not status. Females who are physically aggressive lose status. The system is set up now in such a way that the females are having to adopt the male behavior patterns. But even then, if they 'win' in the male arena, they still may not be accorded the same levels of recognition as the males, as in the case with the Col. and her cigar. It is some fascinating stuff.

Sometimes painful for the people involved, but hey, since I'm here anyway, I might as well observe.

Take him out, Jesse

vkfletch@yahoo.com (vkfletch) — Sun, 28 Jun 2009 14:27:00 +0000

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8cyiD6rjX7Q&NR=1

I know this is old news but I think I want to start the vkfletch chapter of the Jesse Ventura fan club. If he runs for President, then I'm in.

Ventura takes on Fox news and a Brian whatshisface.

I'm having problems with the embed so all you get is the link.

For being such a big and bad country, somehow we let the bed wetters get in charge.

At the end of the interview, when the former Governor goes into the 9/11 thing, I couldn't quite follow him, but whether I agree with him or not on his conclusions, I empathicaly agree that the right to ask questions should not ever be abridged/squelched/or given away.

There is no meeting in the middle when the middle is advocating a position that is the moral equivalent of a three year olds perspective.

The woman in blue on torturing terrorist, '....but if we don't torture them, how will we get the information?!!...'

oh my gosh, golly gee, what will we do?

Dear Miss News Anchor/Entertainer,

After we discuss how you don't pull wings off of bugs, or torment small animals, then we can discuss some basic human decency, and don't worry I will talk slow and go back over any of the parts you have difficulty with....

I feel sorry for her. This episode is now on file for perpetuity.

This last week I was at an old site of a WWII POW camp. It was still largely intact, and smaller than I expected. I had been exposed to a small piece of its history, when I did some volunteer work up at our local museum. Story went that because of our humane treatment of the POW's the enemy was quicker to surrender, and it saved lives all around. And of course, it kept us in the good guy category. Which may not be important to you, but it is important to me. Down the street from me lives a couple, both Japanese-Americans by descent, who were babies in the internment camps in WWII. They tell stories some times when we have neighborhood bonfires.

Our history lives on all around us.

That looking forward and not back policy of the current administration is bullshit. I still think our new President is very smart, but a number of really well pedigreed individuals in the last decade have done some pretty horrible things. I'm hoping the Mrs. is sticking some cold toes in the small of his back at around 3am in the morning and reminding him that he is still just a guy. Maybe a guy in super expensive suits, with a really cool house, but still just a guy in a world filled with other human beings who are worth just the same as him.

It will be very unfortunate if the first black president of the US of A, goes down in the history books tarred with the shame of policies like torture/preventative detention. Very unfortunate.

*******************************************

This is embarrassing to admit, but I get a perverse sense of enjoyment out of conversations with people, especially young men or even other moms/dads, who are going on about 'supporting' the war and the troops, and the inference is that because I don't believe in this war that I'm not supporting my family or country. And I will ask them how old they are and then mention that I joined back up and how old I am, and then I really don't have to say much at all after that.

I know its wrong, and no, if that was the only reason I came back in, then I wouldn't have lasted this long. Its not that much fun.

But I'd be lying if I said I didn't do it.

********************************

On the flip side of that is the sincere and heartfelt thank yous I get almost every time I head out for lunch in uniform. Mostly its the older generation, sometimes elderly women, sometimes older vets who will stop and share their stories and say thank you and wish me well. I shake their hand and thank them for the sentiment and tell them I appreciate it very much.

********************************************
I spend alot of time these days with soldiers, and mostly my contact with the peace movement is next to nil, with the exception of reading on the Internet. Every once in a while another soldier in my unit will ask me about the article I did with the paper a year or so ago, that told about my family and also about my opposition to the war, and they will always ask, 'but why...?"

Alot of the older soldiers I have talked to will sometimes talk about why they came back in, and I hear alot that they are there for the other soldiers, not any ideological reason. Sometimes I hear the younger soldiers teasing about them having a hard time, either physically or mentally. I don't tolerate much disrespect as a rule. Sometimes I want to remind them that they are gazing at their futures, so maybe they might not want to make so much fun of it.

vkfletch@yahoo.com (vkfletch) — Sun, 28 Jun 2009 04:18:00 +0000

I told my husband last night that there have been times in our lives that I was really really proud of him for what he was doing, and at the same time I was really really hoping he would stop doing it.

He said he understood that.

Everyones a comedian, even SSG's

vkfletch@yahoo.com (vkfletch) — Sun, 28 Jun 2009 02:38:00 +0000

I attended a first level army leadership course this spring. It was a couple of weeks long, and I'm beginning to think making the students as miserable as possible in the first couple of days is a requirement for all army schools. It didn't help that I had just gotten over a cold a day or so before I got there, and of course with the lack of sleep thrown in it came back with a vengeance. I had to take a PT test and the weather was cold and windy on top of everything. The sit ups weren't bad, but I almost drowned in my own snot on the push-ups and the run.
We were split up into squads. All of the females were interspersed with the males, just one of us to a squad. I was the oldest again, but not by much. About a quarter of the squad was infantry guys and the rest of us a mixture of various job specialties. The whole point of the school was to train leadership skills and working as a team, so we had to interact alot. To keep it interesting, and so the instructors could see how we reacted under pressure, the work load was kept high, and sleep was not considered a necessity.
About five days into the thing one of our instructors told us our squad was over strength, and before we could head out to our FTX, the squad would have to vote one of the soldiers out. You know, like the vote them off the island thing. We were pretty sure he was kidding, but not a hundred percent sure.
I was rather irritated by it for a couple of days. My son was flying in from his third deployment right on that same weekend, and I wasn't able to be there , and for a couple of hours I was really , really hoping, that being the only female and all, that they would vote my butt off, so I could go home.

After I was done being mad about it, it was pretty darned funny.

The same guy who pulled that on us, was sitting in the office when I received my final evaluation from my instructor, and he asked me offhandedly whether I thought he treated his soldiers well. I'm paraphrasing here....I don't remember his exact words...something about him being good to us, and I answered back with a somewhat watered down version, of him making sure we had our needs met...

He laughed at me then, and told me I was one of those half full glass people, and I agreed with him on that. I consider the half glass full perspective a critical necessity operating in that environment. He took it as a nice way of my saying he was horse's ass, I think.

If circumstances had been different I would have liked to have told him that I watched him push his squad to excel, both the good and the not so good soldiers. I would have told him that we all agreed he gave good classes, straight to the point and full of experiences that helped prepare us for times that might come down the pike. I would have told him that I never saw him ask out of us what he was unwilling to do himself. I would have told him he is a damn fine NCO and I have seen alot of piss poor ones in my life at this point, and more than a few poor excuses for officers. I would have told him to keep up the good work, and nobody really cared if he told us we were retarded in various ways multiple times throughout the day. Everyone knew he was an NCO they could count on and that's all that really matters. I also might have told him that I was watching him and the other instructors as much if not more than they did while evaluating us. I got yelled at once for that, in a nice way, but the instructor was new, and I was sitting in the front row, and he said I was creeping him out. My response was 'you're teaching a class, what else am I going to look at?'. I find myself fascinated by the people around me, watching how this is all playing out. That's in between being broiled, frozen, weighed down with gear, sleep deprived, etc, etc. ...that always seems to come with the experience.

My instructor gave me my eval, and told me basically that I am very quiet, and I need to work on my communications skills, and I thanked him and said yes you are correct. I wish I could just embroider that on my uniform and save us all some time since it seems to be the general consensus. He also asked me if any of the guys in the squad had given me a hard time since I was the only female in it. I told him no, that they had all been great, and it wasn't a problem at least for me.

Many of the guys I was in with had been deployed, some multiple times, a few had been blown up once, some twice. I asked alot of questions like always, and learned alot.

I like the infantry guys...they are very very funny guys. And I need funny guys when I'm riding around in the back of a five ton before the sun comes up, wedged in between people I hardly know.

Things to remind myself of:

-never wear rain gear to patrol in. Its like a portable easy bake oven after about 15 minutes.

-never go to the porta potty/ latrine within the first 30 minutes after morning chow. Roughly two hundred people, which equals x number of pounds of doo. Bad, very bad.

-every deployed person has a 'what I lost or almost lost in the shitter' story. Do not encourage. Funny the first few times. Not so funny now.

vkfletch@yahoo.com (vkfletch) — Sun, 22 Mar 2009 02:38:00 +0000

Hat tip to a link from Deanies inkblots

I like this song because it talks about war being generational. I know my mom's experience has been different, as has my sisters'. I know my son has had to deal with his mothers and grandfather's ghosts, and my husband has his own experiences as well as his fathers legacy. My daughter grows and matures before my eyes, as I see her cope not only with her own life but gradually accepting the supportive role now for the rest of us.

War is central to life like birth, illness, marriage, and children. It's just not a trival thing. Those crazy people in Washington still seem to think they can have a war and control and contain the consequences. They are all nuts.

**********************************
My grandfather was in his eighties, and became very ill and we weren't sure he was going to survive. I was sitting with him one afternoon, and he was in a great deal of pain. His breathing was difficult, and perhaps he thought he might die as well. He took my hand while I sat there and told me the worst day of his life was the day he took my sister and I out in our stroller and on that walk he told us that our dad wasn't coming home. I told him it was all right, Grandpa, and I held his hand and told him that it was all going to be ok.

War is with us again now and will be woven into the rest of our lives.

************************************

I distinctly remember growing up and my mom apologizing for breaking down on occasion and grieving for my father, as if there is a time limit on how long it was acceptable to cry real tears.

you don't cry for heros.

you celebrate them.

craziness.

**************************

Upon reflection, there is a time for the celebration of courage and sacrifice as well as grief.

But when all there is is celebration, then eventually all you end up with is a lack of understanding of the sacrifice and a willingness to spend other peoples lives because it personally costs you nothing.

I still think every Congressman and the President should be mandated to spend half of each day down at Walter Reed changing bed pans, wrapping wounds, and comforting the families. They need the experience, so maybe they could make better decisions.

Just my opinion.

People ask me why I keep doing this

vkfletch@yahoo.com (vkfletch) — Sun, 22 Mar 2009 02:18:00 +0000

Why do I suit up in green one day, and the next I'm slapping on a peace symbol and marching on the street.

I like their version of the future better. If blowing each other up is the best we can do, then we might as well quit now.

I want to live in a world where peace is not a dirty word, but a preferred state of being. It all has to start with believing that it is possible.

And all the peacniks aren't near as grumpy as the soldiers. Pound for pound, all things being equal they are just much more cheerful and upbeat as a rule.

Maybe we could induct them into some national service and stick them in charge of morale.

Update: Some people ask me this, mostly I ask myself at times.

The hardest part of being a medic for me is...

vkfletch@yahoo.com (vkfletch) — Sun, 22 Mar 2009 02:10:00 +0000

... when they pull off the band-aid, gauze, sock or various covering, is not exclaiming "holy shit that looks horrible! Damn son! you need to get that taken care of !"

Columbia...again and again and again....

vkfletch@yahoo.com (vkfletch) — Sun, 22 Mar 2009 01:40:00 +0000

I got off duty yesterday so I managed to make the 6th anniversary of the war march in Columbia. I had ordered the new banner for MFSO, and somehow it came out bigger than expected so it ended up in the front of the march. There was a contingent from the Muslim center in town and I was glad to see them. One of the speakers was an Iraqi scholar, who spoke of what Iraq was like before the war and then what had happened. The military affiliated group had shrunk( VFP, IVAW, MFSO) but some of that may have been that there is so much going on today that it was just smaller. There was a much bigger turnout than I expected, actually. I figured that with Obama promising troop reductions that maybe people wouldn't be as interested, but I guess I was wrong.

We got a new video camera for Christmas for our grandparent duties and I took it with me to get a couple of snapshots for the blog for our group. I got a wild hair when I saw the TV camera guy get his stuff out and start filming. I don't know what I was thinking. I just got mad and decided to give them a taste of their own medicine so I started following him around and filming him filming other people. I think I wanted evidence that they look for the flamboyant stuff and don't really film the issues kind of thing. I don't know. Now I have all these minutes on my camera of the video guy. It dawned me after awhile that maybe its not a good idea to stalk Mr.TV so I finally quit.

There were three of us holding up the MFSO banner in the beginning of the march with Thomas Young, the 'body of war' young man behind us, and then many of the Iraqi/Muslim folks followed by the rest of the group in various bunches. About half way through the march, one of the young Iraqi boys ended up walking in front of our banner. He was wrapped in an Iraqi flag. I remember looking over at him and thinking that that little boy in front of our banner, now that's a visual. I'm not sure exactly what it says, but I took the picture in my head home with me and have been turning over in my mind ever since.

I had a friend growing up named Kwan. Her dad was an airman who had married a Vietnamese woman and brought her home to the states. I would go over to Kwan's house sometimes but wouldn't stay long. Her mom didn't speak much English, and it was never very comfortable being there. When I think of the Vietnamese people I think of Kwan's mom. And I think my friendship with Kwan, both of us growing up and going to school together.

This little Iraqi boy is the first Iraqi I will have come into contact with.

I wonder if he will stay with me, like Kwan and Kwan's mom did.

****************************************
I spent my week with soldiers, and often in conversations many will share deployment stories about good things they did and sometimes about some really horrible things they saw or experienced.

I am making a concerted effort not to try and make sense of it all anymore, because it makes my head hurt.

I wanted to talk to some of the Iraq/Muslim participants but to be honest I just didn't know what to say.

And I thought about it all the way home and still don't know what I would say.

Really tired tonight.

I claim the gomer pyle medic award

vkfletch@yahoo.com (vkfletch) — Sun, 22 Mar 2009 01:30:00 +0000

I just got back from some additional duty. Out of two places we had to transport patients to, I somehow managed to not know which one I was at with the patient.

"...... (blank) hospital!? What do you mean we're at (blank) hospital?!"

I had accidentally called in the patient report to the wrong hospital.

And yes the soldier got the care he needed. I sat with my cell phone in my lap for about five minutes in the waiting room, before I picked it up and punched in the other number again.

" This is Sgt. F...I accidently called in the wrong hospital number and I needed to let you know to disregard that last call."

"We kinda figured that's what happened." Chuckles and some laughter could be heard in the back ground.

I punched end on my cell and just sat in the waiting room for a while. It was a really long week.

this is a must post moment

vkfletch@yahoo.com (vkfletch) — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 16:53:00 +0000

I was in a conversation which included a civilian peace activist recently. And once again I heard the comment about the 'guy who joins the military because they are poor and have no options'. Which is supposed to give them a moral pass from people in the peace movement that feel that everyone in the military's primary purpose is to kill other human beings.

Now, keep in mind that yes, I know what an economic draft is and understand it exists. And yes I understand that the military's functions include the killing of human beings.

Setting those aside, how would you feel if someone said to you, "...and those guys who couldn't get a job anywhere else ended up signing up as peace activists..."

Mostly, its an ignorant viewpoint, as in uninformed. People sign up for all kinds of reasons, just like activists of which I've met a couple who just wanted to be 'against something'. They were in the minority thankfully, but they are out there.

Something to talk about anyway.

Never a dull moment

vkfletch@yahoo.com (vkfletch) — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 16:22:00 +0000

There's an interesting discussion going on over at Active Duty Patriots:

http://activedutypatriot.blogspot.com/2009/03/greeting-to-my-distinguished-visitors.html

In this post ADP welcomes her chain of command to dialogue with her on her IVAW membership and activities. Her position is that there is nothing illegal about her actions, and as far as I know that is correct. Punative action taken by a command against her for those kinds of things for partisan purposes just makes the command and/or the leadership look bad.

They're not suppose to be violating the law either, and Admiral Mullen has been very clear that the military is supposed to stay out of partisan politics.

Which I think is a wonderful thing, and should be applied equally across the board to everyone wearing a uniform. So if the good SGT has violated the UCMJ, she should be held accountable for that. And in the same vein anyone in the chain of command who has violated those same standards should be publically held accountable for that as well. The troops do notice if the same standard is not kept, you know.

It is good to know there are still people working on the issue of when the Pentegon decided it would be a good idea to subject the US population to war propaganda...that would be a nice one to see resolved as well.

I'm going to be gone for awhile. I've only got a few more posts to put up and then I will be done with this blog. I've been reading more from Lt Col Grossman on his research and ideas of combat and have a few thoughts I would like to share on that. And I probably have a few more stories to tell just because.

But the major writing is done. I just don't have time anymore, and to some degree I can't squeeze meaning out so much experience in such a little time frame. It comes when it comes.

And to some degree this blog for all intents and purposes was essentially a time capsule. Our family traditions include a great deal of storytelling and I just wanted to add mine. Its important to know where you come from to be able to get your bearings enough to be able to plot your course forward.

All of my experiences over the last few years, forgetting the downer last few posts, have given me great hopes for the future. I'm met multitudes of engaged, informed, and hardworking young people who are determined to have a hand in creating their own futures. I will put my money on them.

And that includes my hija who popped her head up in the comments of the last post. You guys are going to do great, Sarah. Question everything. Challenge the experts when they don't make sense. Live with integrity. Cherish every breath. And love your family and friends completely.

Everything else is of no consequence.

Good Times

vkfletch@yahoo.com (vkfletch) — Mon, 23 Feb 2009 02:57:00 +0000

This blog is getting way too depressing.

Last drill, I stuck my folded beret in the back of my belt under my top while I was going about my day's business.

I stopped by the head/latrine/frigging ladies room and forgot the beret was back there and sure enough it dropped in the bowl as I was unbelting my pants before I remembered it.

Yes the water was clean thank god, and yes I washed it that evening.

And yes I had to wear it at evening formation before I got to wash it.

Good times.

Lines

vkfletch@yahoo.com (vkfletch) — Mon, 23 Feb 2009 02:30:00 +0000

I ran into an old friend at the armory a couple of drills ago. He's a young man who was in my 4-H group a number of years ago. His family lived down the way from us, and I was good friends with his mom and all the kids hung out together. He's now an army MP headed to Afghanistan soon. His family had long ago moved to town, and he gave me the number for his mom and dad and said hey, give them a call. I hardly recognized him when I saw him in uniform, he had grown so much.

I tried the number and didn't get through, so the next drill, when I was in town, I dropped by their house on the way out to see if they were home.

It was a good visit and we caught up on old times, and then the subject of some what I had done with the anti-war thing came up.

I explained my reasoning for what I had done, and we had a few jokes and some more conversation.

I asked my friend with her son leaving for Afghanistan soon, how she felt ...how she was doing with it.

I'm paraphrasing this next, but essentially she said she had told him that she knew he was doing what he wanted to do, that she didn't want him worrying about what she was doing or that she was worrying about him while he was doing his job, and that she supported him.

Both her husband and her were on the opposite end of the political spectrum. It was rather pointed, her response.

We wrapped it up, and I soon left because I had somewhere else I had to get too. But we didn't say, hey lets do coffee sometime, or exchange numbers.

***********************
I don't know what I expected, and I'm not mad...more sad than anything. I think people fool themselves when they talk about 'political perspective' and 'viewpoint'. I think there's a line, visible or not, and I knew if I stepped out here I would likely cross it and there is no going back and its a war and you have to pick a side. You don't get to straddle the damn thing.

It's a war, and that means one side or the other.

And alot of people I care very much about, I ended up on the opposite side of, and I'm not really sure how that happened.

I know my grammer and punctuation sucks, I'm just not in the mood to change it tonight.

I will be back later to clean it all up.

vkfletch@yahoo.com (vkfletch) — Wed, 10 Dec 2008 16:46:00 +0000

Dear Son, Count your Blessings it could always be worse...

vkfletch@yahoo.com (vkfletch) — Wed, 10 Dec 2008 16:40:00 +0000

Mom and son deploy to Iraq in same unit

All joking aside, multiple family members deploying is not that uncommon. I have talked to a number of uniformed parents whose kids are deploying/have deployed.

Considering how much teasing I have received, I just thought this one was funny.

The Crazy Mom Pass

vkfletch@yahoo.com (vkfletch) — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 04:55:00 +0000

Veteran's Day I traveled to Kansas City, Missouri to participate in a AFSC event high-lighting the rise in veteran's suicides. It was cold and very rainy going in and I had a good headstart on developing a cold by the the time I got there and just barely managed to get through the couple of pages of prepared remarks I had with me. There was a speaker from IVAW, a Vietnam vet who was a civilian expert, and another MFSO who had worked in the Vet's field for a number of years, on the panel.

For anyone not familiar with the Eyes Wide Open Exhibit, it is a visual display of boots for every casualty in this war (US) and it also acknowledges the Iraqi casualties. It started a long time ago and has traveled across the country. I think it was last year that the full exhibit shut down, because there were getting to be too many boots to be able to move around in a reasonable manner. This exhibit had boots painted white, for all the suicide casualties.

I got there later in the afternoon, and missed all the lunch traffic at the college, and by the time the panel was to be held it was a smaller group. We were seated at the front of the room with chairs in rows out in front, and people were leaned up against the wall in back of the chairs.
There was a young man who was leaning on the wall who stood out to me. There seems to always be one or two, at most events I've attended. Someone who is obviously deeply distressed, most look like veterans, some possible family members, or friends. I watched him on and off during the talks. They start out looking like they would like to be confrontive, like they showed up prepared to defend (view, stance, loved one, etc.). And generally end up almost disarmed when they find out that the people involved in the event a) aren't phony, b) aren't speaking from a political viewpoint, and c)really care about all of the people involved in this war. I'm guessing at the reasoning here, I know. I just know that I see people show up pissed off, and some just leave, and sometimes they stay and come over and share where they've served and thank me(or the others) for speaking out (they don't necessarily thank me for the politics of it, but for speaking out for the troops kind of thing).

This young man left before the end, and I didn't get the chance to speak to him. I wish I had had the opportunity, and wanted to ask him why he was there. If it was for someone else, or for for himself.

***********************

I have seldom been individually harassed as a peace activist. Either in my hometown or on the road. Here at home, most people know us, or know someone who knows us, and mostly I think I get the 'crazy mom' excuse. And that goes pretty far, at least around here. It doesn't give me much creditability in terms of being able to sway opinion, but I don't get much anger from others (at least to my face anyway). Mostly I think I make people uncomfortable.

It's hard to get away from. Anytime I go somewhere, I get asked 'how you doing?"
"I'm fine, " I reply.
"How's the kids?" they ask.My daughters' doing great. School is going well, the grandson's a wonder...", I say.
"How's your son?"
"...back in Iraq, but ok, he's doing ok.....", I say.
"..how's your kids?", I ask.

Generally they wrap it up, and I leave soon. Except the other army mom I know who works at the bank. We will talk for a half an hour while I am sitting in my truck in the drive in, when I come by, catching up on the news of our sons.

******************

The other panel members had the guts to wing it at the Vet's suicide event. I suck at that kind of thing. If I am going to continue doing this, I am going to need to get off my duff and look into some kind of public speaking course.

This was my speech.

My name is Valarie Fletcher. I am the coordinator of the Military Families Speak Out Midwest chapter. My son is a US marine on his third tour in Iraq. Military Families Speak Out is an organization of over 3500 families who are opposed to the war in Iraq and have loved ones who are serving or have served in the US military since fall of2002.
I would like to thank the AFSC for inviting me to speak, and for holding this exhibit and working to increase public awareness of this issue.

As has been highlighted here today, the veterans suicide rate is currently extraordinary high. We include in our membership families who have lost their loved ones to suicide in the aftermath of deployment, such families like Joyce and Kevin Lucey who lost their son Ryan in 2004. Another member would be April Somdahl, who lost her brother Brian Rand in 2007. Brian was determined unfit for deployment by a psychological exam given after his second deployment. He was deployed anyway, and committed suicide after returning from his third deployment.

Multiple deployments, lack of adequate dwell time in between for rest and recuperation , the practice of deploying medicated soldiers to fill the ranks have all contributed to the problem. Coupled with inadequate resources on the homefront prepared to treat the large number of troops returning in need of care create conditions ripe for the suicide rate to skyrocket. Included with these factors can be a reluctance among the troops themselves to admit to symptoms or to seek treatment due to fears that their career could be adversely impacted, or being seen as ‘weak’.

Our reserve and National Guard Forces are at particular risk. The National Guard has seen unprecedented use overseas in this war. The Associated Press reported in February of this year that over half of the suicides of Iraq and Afghanistan veterans between 2001-05 were Guard and Reserve members. Both Guard and reserve forces face special challenges due to issues involving access for care, such as being unable to travel the distance needed to make appointments. Also, the need to coordinate the time off at work with their private employer to make appointments for care can create barriers as well.

Many are trying to address this issue both in the service, as well as post service. PTSD is not confined to the lower ranks, nor is it a symptom of a ‘weak mind’ or ‘someone who couldn’t take it’. Helping to change a climate non conducive to encouraging seeking help, is Army Maj.Gen. David Blackridge. The General served two tours in Iraq commanding a civil affairs unit. After surviving a convoy ambush and firefight in which he was injured, he received treatment for his mental health as well as his physical wounds. By sharing his story publically, the Maj.Gen helps to set the example for the lower ranks.

We plan for bleeding in war by stocking up on bandages and blood…why would we not anticipate and plan the resources necessary to treat for a war wound that has been around as long as war has? Working to meet this challenge are the VA Centers, over 200 across the US. Paul Sullivan of Veterans for Common Sense, gives the Vet Centers a grade of A+ in his 2007 CBS Eye to Eye interview. He sites hiring of Iraq and Afghanistan veterans to help with outreach, hiring additional social workers, the opening of more clinics, and the close monitoring of the situation all as positive developments in delivering timely mental health care to veterans. But he also delivers a resounding grade of F to the VA Department as a whole saying they have not allocated enough resources to address the problem and specifically lack enough psychologists and psychiatrists to meet the need.

I am a military brat. I was born in 65 and grew up on military bases across the south. Much of my early life was spent in the context of that generations war, Vietnam. And although they weren’t as good at naming it back then, much of what I observed around me in my youth would be classified as PTSD today. My experiences then had such an impact on my outlook that even all these years later my worst fears as a parent were not physical wounds but the emotional aftermath that concerned me the most.

As my son was preparing for his first deployment, I sat him down one day before he left and asked him to promise me something. I didn’t ask him to keep his head down, or stay safe. The former I knew that Uncle Sam had trained him as good as that kind of thing gets. And the latter, as a Marine I knew safety isn’t always their first consideration. Instead, I asked him to promise me he wouldn’t ever suicide. Although I knew he would not understand then, I wanted to build up some insurance against the days I thought could likely come when he came home.

Throughout his deployments we have talked openly on occasion about PTSD, what it is, how to recognize the symptoms, and I have at times forwarded materials for him to read if he chooses. Forewarned is forearmed, and in this case, silence is the enemy.

Families, friends, and communities can help by educating themselves about the issue, by learning the symptoms of PTSD and the progression of the condition if it is not treated, by contacting their legislators and letting them know this is an issue that is important to them as voters. Volunteering with veterans organizations in your area, contacting your local media and letting them know this is a topic that that you want to see covered are more ways that you can help. And most importantly, if you know a vet who is struggling, don’t ignore it. Reach out to them in whatever way you can, even if it is to let them know that they are not numbers, that every single one of them is important. Help is available, and we need to keep trying until we get them what they need.

These young men and women are OUR defensive forces. They answered their country’s call in its time of need and we must keep faith with them by providing the care that THEY need when they return from war. We cannot allow them to survive the war, but not survive their coming home.

Thank you.

*********************

When your forces start killing themselves when they get home, that should be your first clue that something is wrong.

This is just unacceptable anyway you look at it.

********************************************

The suicide and the MIA events just depress the living hell out of me. And I really dislike Veterans Day. Alot. It gets worse every year.

Here is a Kansas City area write up about the event:

Kansas City Plog

Life is really an SNL skit in disguise

vkfletch@yahoo.com (vkfletch) — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 14:35:00 +0000

Election day I worked a few hours of last minute GOTV with the Obama campaign. I drove, and the guy I was with worked the lists and did the door knocking. We jumped in the truck and headed out and introduced ourselves in between looking for the house numbers.

Me: So how did you get into doing things like this?
Him: I'm a Vietnam conciencous objector... started then, spent alot of time of abroad as a teacher.
Me: Oh
Him: How about you?
Me: I'm a military family member, been doing the anti-war thing for awhile now. I've got a son in Iraq now.
Him: Oh
Him: What's he do?
Me: He's a sniper.
Him: Oh
Me: Got any kids?
Him: Got a daughter, used to be in AF intelligence.
Me: hummm...

We were two white folk out knocking on doors to get the black lawyer elected.
I love the times I live in when I'm not spending all my time worrying.

I'm taking my country back

vkfletch@yahoo.com (vkfletch) — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 05:00:00 +0000

Finally! Hat tip to Big Brass Blog and Amy's Head

This is for every time I have been force fed "Courtesy of the Red, White, and Blue" by Toby Keith while in uniform.

In Your Face, Toby!

Tony Stampley rocks

It is what it is

vkfletch@yahoo.com (vkfletch) — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 04:45:00 +0000

I heard through the grapevine of the first one out of my graduating class from AIT that got wounded. It's just the first one I've heard of . Caught a bunch of shrapnel. She is supposed to be alright so that is good.
We were a mixed class, prior service and new incoming soldiers out of basic. She was one of the young ones. Just about the smartest of all of us in the class. When they would announce the top scores, she was always at the first of the list.

I'm not naming names and this is just my story so believe me or don't, doesn't matter at all.

Shirts

vkfletch@yahoo.com (vkfletch) — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 03:00:00 +0000

It doesn't look like I'm going to be deployed anytime soon, so I have begun to try and get more active again. I'm taking on a chapter position in MFSO, and was contacted by our regions IVAW rep and invited to get involved. I joined IVAW in 2007. I was at the VFP convention and was talking to another MFSO about having joined the Guard. She just happened to be working with some of the IVAW's and the next thing you know I'm signing up. I attended one of the meetings at the convention and have tried to keep up through the website, but that's about it. At the time my excuse was I was going into AIT and that was just about all I could focus on (which was entirely true), but it wasn't the only issue.

During my time working with MFSO, there have been a few actions or types of actions I could just not do. Sometimes I didn't even know what my exact problem was with it, but if asked I would just pass and try and do something else.

I don't want to wear the shirt yet. I got sent a shirt in the mail with my packet, and it is still in my drawer.

In theory it shouldn't matter, but it would feel like I was taking something away from my son, and I will not do that. If I deploy, I will wear the shirt.

Can't explain it. It just is.

Perhaps I can wear a support the warrior, not the war bumper sticker on my chest.

For anyone out there that might think its the grunt vs fobbit argument I expounded on that in an earlier post here.

And its not like I haven't met a number of support personnel who have been under fire at this point, like this article, Back from the Lions Den (hat tip again to jimstaro).

Its a family thing.

**********************************

Fun Facts:

Just about every vet I know suffers from "Didn't Do Enoughism".

Just about every activist I know suffers from "Didn't Do Enoughism"

Well that's a big fat NO!

vkfletch@yahoo.com (vkfletch) — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 18:25:00 +0000

I did some phone-banking yesterday at the local Obama office. I didn't think I would like doing it, alot of people don't. But after a few phone calls, it got fun. The Obama supporters were happy to be called. Some of them had already voted and were proud to tell us about it. The McCain supporters were the funniest because normally they hung up as soon as I was half way through who I was. After the first couple of times, it became a game, to see how fast I could push the buttons to get the computer to bring me up another call. Don't want to talk to me, FINE! Moving on!

There were only a couple of undecided's in the bunch. How could you possibly be undecided at this point?

My husband said he was just last week. I think he's already decided on the issues, but its really tough to get past some of the superficial stuff.

Even though on just about every issue, Obama beats out McCain for me...I still have a small part inside that has a tough time voting for a non-vet over a vet in a wartime setting. I would have liked to vote for him. I listened a long time at the beginning of this race to each candidate...

...but its not that big of a part and I got over it a long time ago.

Do I still have a job when I get back

vkfletch@yahoo.com (vkfletch) — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 01:12:00 +0000

60 minutes on Guardsmens, their jobs, and the employers

I was very happy to see the guy in charge supporting the guard and reserve on enforcing the law about them having their jobs when they return. But the problem is that it is creating a tough situation for the employers as well, and I didn't see anything to address that in the interview.

The Rally

vkfletch@yahoo.com (vkfletch) — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 00:32:00 +0000

After drill yesterday, I shucked my uniform and headed down to the Obama rally a few blocks down. I had to be back early the next day and knew I couldn't stay to see the man, but wanted to show up to show support and just get a look at who else in the Springfield area was voting for some change.
I turned off at Parkview High School and saw some open spots near the school, so I jumped in and grabbed one. I was not familiar with the area/school - all I knew about it was spotting the front of the High School as I would drive by on Campbell. So I didn't see a horde when I went in, just a good turnout and a busy parking area. I started following the stream of people heading up the hill (I didn't know exactly where the stadium was either) and walked and walked and walked some more. The cars became more jammed packed and at the top of the walk we finally came in site of the stadium across the street. But before we (all the people I was walking with/by this time, 'we' had collected into a small group of our own) could get to the cross walk and go to the stadium, one of the campaign volunteers told us to start walking south because the line went all the way to Bass Pro.

"No way!"

Some the group melted away to who knows where, because they had trouble walking. I started down the line, because although I knew I only had about an hour before I had to go home, I just wanted to SEE it.

And it was past Bass Pro. The line hit Sunshine and was past KY3 by the time I had walked all the way to it, and people were still streaming in steadily.

It was amazing because the tone was so happy. I hardly heard anyone grumbling about the wait. There was one McCain supporter who drove by with a sticker covered vehicle. There were some shouts, then they gave everyone the finger from the car, and the crowd just erupted in laughs and jokes.

It's hard to describe how amazing it was to see this.

No one had to be there. How many people would you wait hours on a sidewalk to see, and then walk two miles to boot?

Just amazing and in Springfield Missouri of all places.

Oh, and I didn't want to forget...I got to see the Rednecks for Obama guys! An older gentleman was in the parking lot just standing there, and he would hold up a bumpersticker and ask if people wanted one, everytime he gave one out, up would go another one. I was really happy to get my sticker, and said hey! I saw you guys on the internet!

Thanks to the tip from Anon/Hugh!

Here's some of the write-ups

They gave us a republic post

doclarry

The news-leader

Obama crowd reflects all walks of life

Three days away from changing America

the Republicans also decided to hold a rally

One of the Sgts the next day at drill made an angry remark about not wanting to hear Obama's name spoken in the office. I don't feel sorry for him because I have had to look at George Bush's face on the 'leaders' wall first thing in the morning when I come in for quite some time now.